"Funny how? Funny like a clown, I amuse you?"A bunch of bozos auditioned Monday in NYC for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey's Circus, all hoping for a coveted spot in the Ringling Bros. clown college.
Why, WHY isn't this a reality show? In general I loathe reality TV (except for, I admit, Idol -- mostly for awesome freaks like Normund Gentle), but I would without a doubt tune in to watch a bunch of clowns stab each other in the back on a weekly basis.
Who, I ask, wouldn't want to see Floppy Shoe Race Week? Or Biggest Red Nose Week? Or, especially, Cram into a Tiny Car Week? (Like musical chairs, any clown who doesn't fit gets cut.)
The title of my little show? Well, since "The Biggest Loser" and "Funny or Die" are already taken, I think I'd go with "He Who Laughs Last".
(Full Disclosure: I once performed as a juggler with a clown partner at a kid's party. But jugglers are cool.)
Read about the desperately funny tryouts here.
Why, WHY isn't this a reality show? In general I loathe reality TV (except for, I admit, Idol -- mostly for awesome freaks like Normund Gentle), but I would without a doubt tune in to watch a bunch of clowns stab each other in the back on a weekly basis.
Who, I ask, wouldn't want to see Floppy Shoe Race Week? Or Biggest Red Nose Week? Or, especially, Cram into a Tiny Car Week? (Like musical chairs, any clown who doesn't fit gets cut.)
The title of my little show? Well, since "The Biggest Loser" and "Funny or Die" are already taken, I think I'd go with "He Who Laughs Last".
(Full Disclosure: I once performed as a juggler with a clown partner at a kid's party. But jugglers are cool.)
Read about the desperately funny tryouts here.
33 comments:
I watch a ridiculous amount of reality tv but, somehow, don't think I could watch this one. Although the title is perfection. But I'm not down with clowns. Or adult men in makeup. Or fake noses. Or wigs. Or midgets. And there's always one.
Would those be Cary's midgets?
http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2009/04/unappealing-porno-titles-of-day-nsfw.html
I love clowns. They are generally smelly and lude and try to conceal it all with makeup. Wait. That's me. I love me.
I used to want a viking funeral to honor my grandmother who also wanted a viking funeral but was cheated out of it. Now I want a clown funeral. For the record. But I want them to "accidentally" light my casket on fire and run around like... like clowns, with fire extinguishers and little yippy dogs. You get the idea.
Jessica just described my worst nightmare.
laughing!
also, clowns? and too many links, G. can't get away with that at work. i need words and lots of them. also the reason why i haven't been able to look at cary's porn title posting yet. DAMNIT! i'm so out of it today, peeps... (my problem, not yours.)
at a work halloween party YEARS ago, a coworker went as the Angry, Drunken Clown. i did his face makeup (a la The Joker) and he walked around with a little brown bag with a bottle of booze and smoked cigarettes. good times.
I know what I'll be for Halloween! Drunken happy clown. I can take the kids trick-or-treating AND get shitty! James will be the designated knocker.
You guys are cracking me up! Jessica O - the Viking funeral? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. That comment was better than Cats! :)
Ok, clowns will never be the same for me because the movie Poltergeist scarred me for life when I was 9. That freaky clown? Awful.
omg, I love reality tv and I would probably watch this...
jess, i'm the drunken happy clown every halloween while trick or treating with the kids. the kids run from house to house and the parents walk around with big, red plastic cups. i look forward to it EVERY YEAR.
bev, funny i don't remember a clown from poltergeist, just the corpse-looking guy in the tophat with the weird voice. now i am deathly afraid of corpse-looking guys in tophats with freaky voices.
hahah, my word verf = pectatio. "if you let me have a girl's night out, i'll perform pectatio on you."
MoFM - Pectatio, hahaha! I have been dying to use captcha in my comments. So glad I'm not alone.
Bev - I am a little sad for my grandmother. First she died. Then she got screwed.
Samsmama - I want your nightmares because mine totally suck. Last night I was being sought by a serial killer. God, I am so egotistical. Like a serial killer would really pick me. As if.
Jessica, if I ever take to serial killing, you'll be my first prey.
*much love*
Geez, I step away for a second and the lunatics have taken over the...
Oh, hey...I'm back.
Work gets in the way of fun every time. Now then:
J-O: Damn, a viking/clown funeral sounds awesome. But only if the horns on the viking helmets toot. And instead of Valhalla, I was taken to monkey heaven.
MoFM: "Pectatio" is officially the Shiny Object word of the day. (It is a boob job, right? As in "pectoral"?)
Bev: That fucking clown doll (from the original Poltergeist, not #2 with creepy tophat guy, MoFM) terrified me like nothing else. Still does. Didn't some movie spoof it? One of the Scary Movies?
Samsmama: Stop threatening to serial kill people, and please improve your nightmares.
Stacie: Thank you. Nothing better than clown wars!
Aack I put off this post, not know how to get around the whole fucking creepy clown thing (yes they scare me to death)..and I end up missing out on some funny ass shit. Damn it! To be fair I had 7 kids today too...so it's been nutty.
Back to the clowns..I watch reality tv, but I would never watch anything with a clown in it. I am so bad about clowns, or people dressed up as Easter Bunnies that I will turn and go the other way. There is this guy that sets up shop outside of WalMart every now and then, I fucking hate him. Why does he go there? I try to avoid him by going in the other door, but one day I had to go in his door (either that or walk past him...same freaking thing) I was so nerved up, he started to wave and say Hi and all I could muster was "don't, don't, don't" until I made it safely passed the schizo axe wielding murderer. He is SO lucky that I don't carry pepper spray with me.
Oh..and Jessica O, you crack me the fuck up! But please don't do the clown funeral....YIKES
Check out the WordPress homepage today: www.wordpress.com. There are no coincidences?
Captcha word: exeste - v. to exist or be in Garrito's world
Thanks for scaring the shit out of me Jessica O
I think the person you need to fear is the serial killer, aka Samsmama.
Harmony: I love the idea of pepper spraying clowns. Me, I'd use it on Jehovah's Witnesses.
J-O: What did I miss on WordPress? I had wedding stuffs to attend to. Y tambien, me gusta "exeste"!
The feature article, which I didn't read had a picture of the clown from the Rob Zombie flick "House of 1,000 Corpses".
I'm glad Burrito likey. I alomst went with "n. The drunk version of ecstacy."
Me likey both definitions. The second one used in a sentence: "Why no, ossifer, those are not exeste pills in my glove apartment. I meant department. Compartment! That's it, love compartment."
Still haven't seen that flick. Any good?
Must show this to my daughter, the coulrophobic. Must not let her watch any more late night movies with me. Like Poltergiest. Mwah ha ha.
If you're feeling especially sadistic, Laura, and really want to assure yourself private TV time, I recommend exposing your daughter to the Bobcat Goldthwait "classic", Shakes The Clown.
did you ever read the book It? Well I did and if you had, you'd never EVER post anything about clowns. Ever.
Now I have to go check the sewer in front and the drains in the house- great.
thanks a lot!
You DID notice Pennywise under that "bozos" link, didn'tcha, Mary? Yes, It the book terrified me. The made-for-TV movie with John Boy? Not so much, although Tim Curry was great as evil incarnate.
Pennywise was of Steven King's best bad guys, for sure. He's up there with the "Walkin' Dude" from The Stand.
re: my late night comments
They made after 3 glasses of wine via Blackberry, combo drunk and fat-finger texting.
re: Rob Zombie
Worth the Netflix rental if you like nonsensical gore and low-budget flicks. Not my favorite. Pretty creepy.
Ah, The Stand, Bev. Loved the book. The best part of the movie (no, no, not Rob Lowe) was Matt Frewer as the Trashcan Man: "My life for yoooouuuu! My life for yoooouuuuuu!"
J-O: Better than whining after 3 boxes of blackberries. And yes, nonsensical gore is the best kind of gore. Nothing worse than sensical gore. Hmmm...what IS sensical gore?
jesus I had forgotten about the 'made for TV' movie with John Boy and John Ritter (god rest his soul)...way to take the absolute fear out of the story hollywood.
best adaptation of a Stephen King story? (and one of my all-time favorite short stories) Secret Window- adapted from Secret Window, Secret Garden. John Tuturro NAILED the Shooter character...ahhhh. I'm going to go read some King right now.
Thanks for terrifying me garrito! Now I'm off to be even more scared...
I didn't read Secret Window, Secret Garden, but I did see the movie. I'm no genius, but I kinda figured the ending about half-way through. Shawshank Redemption and Stand By Me were, I think, the best adaptations. I love The Shining (the movie), but it still doesn't compare to the book. The book that really scared the piss out of me was Pet Sematary. The movie was a bit silly.
Don't look now, but John Ritter is standing right behind you. BOO!
Don't forget Misery! I think that is one of his best adaptations, for sure. Kathy Bates is one scary mofo.
How could I forget Misery. In fact, I just mentioned it on Jess O's blog:
http://jessicaosfamily.wordpress.com/2009/04/08/outfit-of-the-day/#comment-106
thanks for the shoutems
Ze pleasure eez all mined. Eet eez denjarus.
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